Dating and Meeting A Single Parent’s Children

By: Ken Austin

Dating and meeting a single parent’s children can cause tension and nervousness between a new couple. A lot of expectations need to be set as this is not a conventional relationship. One person has no strings attached, while the other person has a huge string attached – a child.

The person dating a recently single parent needs to be open and understanding as well. The person needs to understand that there are responsibilities involved, such as defensive feelings from children, as well as comparisons between the new person and the old spouse.

Dating is a combined feeling of excitement, nervousness and anticipation. Added to meeting a single parent’s children double these combined feelings for both you and your partner.  The question is, what are the “nice to knows” in dating and meeting single parent’s children?

On Dating

1)  Make sure that the previous relationship has no more to do’s- Studies have shown that the  feeling of being treated as a “rebound” is common when dating a single parent. This is because these newly single parents look for partners as soon as possible, to replace the feeling that they had with their own partners. Being the date, a person needs to make sure that there are no more strings to be addressed in the previous relationship of the single parent.

2)  Make sure to compliment your date on his/her  looks – Newly single parents invest in their looks to be able to boost their confidence. They enhance their looks by coloring their hair, trying on new make-up, experimenting on different scents or losing excessive pounds to prepare themselves on being available in the market again. Complimenting them on how they look will definitely boost their confidence and make your date more open to feedback.

3)  Manage expectations that you are different from the previous one- Comparisons are the main reasons for fights between a new single parent and his/her respective date. A newly single parent can either look for a date who has similar characteristics, or look for a date that is entirely different from his previous relationship. New dates need to make sure that he/she is different from the previous one.

4)  Maintain a non-sexual relationship with your date at the early stages of the relationship. Be open to the fact that your relationship can either work or not work. Having a sexual relationship may complicate things, most especially if your date has a child.

On Meeting a Single Parent’s Child/ren

1)  Understand that there are established routines already – When a single parents lets you meet his/her children for the first time, make sure to understand that there are routines already, and the child/ren see you as a threat to these routines. Just make sure to let them feel that you will not do anything to their routine.

An example is the weekly breakfast routine. When your partner brings you for this routine for the first time, the children will see you as a distraction who will soon take away their weekly routine.

2)  Delay the sleep-over– Children today are different in the way they think. Sleeping over connotes sexual relations, even if there is none between the two of you. Try postponing the sleep-overs when you feel that the children have accepted you already.

3)  Encourage your partner to separate dating and parent time – Ask your partner to separate dating and parent time. This will not compromise both of your feelings and avoid unnecessary tension.

4)  Be open to the fact that you will be introduced when your relationship has long-term potential. –Newly single parents will introduce you to their family if they see that what you have can escalate to a long-term commitment. If you are not yet introduced to his family, give it time.

These are just simple tips to help you out in the phenomenon of dating and meeting a single parent’s children.  These tips can go a long way in maintaining a possible relationship between you and your partner.